If your boss is your FB friend and you are supposed to be at work...

you may NOT want to update your status to:

My landing gear is about to touch down in Atlanta. Ready to party!

That is how I accidentally found out that this employee closed the gym two hours early. 

Showers used as Toilets?

Someone took a dump in the men's shower! Who the heck would do that? The cleaning crew wants a raise, LOL

Have I mentioned how much I love owning a gym?

Hire Tat's Wife??

So today Tat's wife calls and starts telling me her woes about Tat and Triple D and she has no place to live, blah, blah, blah...  As the conversation wore on, I had to cut her off...

I'm real good at the computer, maybe I could do some secretary stuff (with a fake southern acccent, she's from MD)

I'm real good with kids, I can work in the kids' club (same fake southern accent and should I remind her that DFACS doesn't think she's capable of having custody of her own kids)

I'm a people person, how about I can be the receptionist (same fake southern accent and have I mentioned the weapons charges?)

Ok, so, you'll keep me in mind in case anything comes up (same fake southern accent and have I mentioned we have a restraining order on her and she can't come within 100 ft. of the facility?)

Dentist... STAT!

Has anyone noticed Tat's teeth? 

Serena, those are meth teeth!  He's been back with Triple D and the rumor is she's in business again.

Miss Serena, you look like a vampire!

Hmmm, perhaps I should rethink the red lipstick after 40 thing.

This is a FITNESS CENTER not a GENTLEMEN'S CLUB

Hi,

I came in on Monday with an intent to locate a personal trainer and sign up for membership.

Your female trainer has not called me and your staff was not helpful nor prepared to encourage my joining.

You could sign up a lot more members if you worked on how prospective customers are handled.

I won't join your gym now and I have no desire to work with that trainer. If you want to improve and can take honest feedback then feel free to call me.

Kind regards, 

(SuperObese, Sweating Profusely, Creepy Guy)

Since I make it a habitat to respond to everyone, I have included my response below. Above is the actual original email - without his actual name of course. 
(Note:  He has not taken me up on my offer for a free training session and fitness evaluation.  I did research that strip clubs in the area may cost more than a 30 minute session with a "hot"  female trainer.)


We strive to encourage potential members to join because they truly want to improve their level of health and fitness.  The best thing we can do is provide you with the best options to get you to your goal the quickest. Our female trainer has specialized in training females and she is not suited to train a male client. Men will typically lift heavier weights and as a business owner, I need trainers to be able to spot their clients without injury to the client or to themselves. So it seemed we were at a crossroads in proceeding because a male trainer is best suited for your training and goal accomplishment and you specifically requested a "hot" female trainer. We would like to have your business but not at the expense of potential injury to my staff. If you would like to reconsider, I'm quite sure any of our male trainers would be happy to provide you with a complimentary training session and fitness evaluation.

Thank you for your consideration.

Serena

TRANSLATION:  YOU ARE REALLY EFFING CREEPY... GO GAWK SOMEWHERE ELSE!

Locked In

Actual text from member:

I know you are on vacation but Tat's kids are locked in his truck and it's 90 degrees!  I wanted to let you know because another member is about to call 911.

I don't even know how to respond.  Oh look at that, I just lost my signal...