Membership Cancellations Worth Reading

Superman was asked to leave the gym.  "The girlfriend" made a point to come in and cancel her membership.  (That she hasn't paid for in two months and is in collections).  The throwing of the weights is a story for another day.

Love and Marriage

Me:  Did Superman get divorced?

Karate kid: No

Then why is kissing that girl?

Oh that...  That girl is "in their marriage" now

WTF does that mean?

Actually, I got drunk and well "you know" with her.  Then I went and got an STD test.  Superman overheard me telling someone that the test came back clean.  Next thing I know she's coming in here with superman and his wife...  Oh yeah.. and she's 17...

1973 Cadillac Hearse

Over a year ago I was approached by a member of one of the area mega-churches.  They had been storing some gym equipment for one of their members that was having some financial difficulty and the member had vanished.  They were paying $300 per month for a storage facility and if I donated to their fundraiser, they would give me all of the equipment.  the equipment was in decent shape so I figured that I could just clean it up and resell it when I had some time.  I posted an ad on Craigslist last week and wouldn't you know the original owner of the equipment resurfaced.

Are these the items I donated to the church?

Me:  We bought them from a storage unit.

Interested in a trade?

Me: What do you want to trade?

I have brand me Steel Flex gym equipment I have brand-new in a box Olympic Flat bench Olympic Incline Olympic decline flat/decline and also have a 1973 Cadillac hearse

Me:  Never responded... but am considering the hearse

NO Smoking IN THE GYM!!

Hi all,

I've had several members complain to me about the smoking in the gym.  You can imagine how surprised I was by this.  Let me remind you, this is a health club.  Smoking of any kind is not permitted.  This includes the electronic cigarettes that some of you I'm told are smoking at the front desk.

Thanks!
Serena

Athletic Club and Rest Stop?

A picture is worth 1,000 words...

Who gets custody of the gym?

Here's Your 20

The theme this week is counterfeit bills.  As if no one would realize that the "1" was now a "20" in black ink.  Turns out the Santa faces are legit.  You can buy them for $3.50.  Yes, that's right, you can buy a Santa face for three dollars and 50 cents to put on your one dollar bill...

 

Office we can come to a solution??

Email from Dipshit:

Serena, with all do respect with more responsibilities given to me I have no more authority nor more income, for twice the work I was doing in January, I put it an avg of 200 hrs of work in and try to make the place as best as it can, but it's frustrating when check time comes and I feel my time would be worth more, office we can come to a solution that would be great

Thanks

 

 

WTF?  I don't even know what to say.  I did a little research and found that this dipshit actually worked a whole lot less then he did in January and while in January he sold 30 memberships, he only sold 10 for April.  I also know that dipshit's been leaving at 12:30 and of course writing 2:00 on his time sheet.  Jerry busted him last week when he saw dipshit at a sushi when he was supposed to be at work.  Completely unaware that Jerry saw him, dipshit answered his cell and told Jerry he was still at the gym working.  WTF!!

Someone's got some bad luck coming...

No one knows anything about it?? 
BAD LUCK and BAD KARMA are
going to get someone.

LATE??

Dress Code

So I get to work this morning and I'm thinking to myself about the front desk girl (I don't have a name for her yet) "OMG!  That zit on her lip is huge!  In my 42 years of life, I've never seen anything so disgusting!"  An hour later, a member walks up to me 'Hey Serena, what's up with the girl's lip piercing?"  OHHHH...

Me:  So what's up with the lip piercing?
Girl:  I've always wanted one, but never have had a job where I could have one.
Me:  Uhhh, what made you think it was ok for this job??

Things that make you want to stay in bed all day...

My email response to a friend asking me how things were going:

The gym is back to driving me f*#@ing crazy. It's 1 in the morning and I can't sleep because I'm so irritated. Spas are going good except I (well Jerry and I actually agree on this) would really like to fire one of our employees. I placed an ad on the University of Georgia & Florida career networks, so hopefully at least a few good resumes will come in soon. This moron got his fiancé pregnant, then she broke up with him and told him he wasn't the baby daddy, paternity test says he is the baby daddy, she let him see the kid a couple of days a week until he slept with her again, she got mad at him and stopped visitation. He got half a tattoo and couldn't pay to finish it (the tattoo guy happens to be our customer), claims he's paying an attorney to get custody so I ask the obvious question (knowing that he doesn't even have enough $ to finish the still incomplete tattoo)... "Are you prepared to pay child support?"... He responds with no response and a look that made me think I had grown two extra heads!! We had been giving him $300 per month for health insurance (another customer got him a medical/dental plan for $161 so he was actually profiting $139) and found out while he was driving himself to the hospital on April 2nd that he had let his policy lapse. We've since come to find out that in the last twelve months of giving him $300 per month that he only ever paid one month (October 2012). He then sends the Reverend of his church in to talk to Jerry about his massive emergency room bill, Jerry explains why this is Half Tat's own problem. In fact he was just given $300 yesterday April 1st for his medical plan. If he didn't have a medical plan, you would have thought this would have been mentioned yesterday. Sorry Shocked Reverend, this is a Half Tat's problem and yes people lie even to their preachers. The subject hasn't come up again. Did I mention he's missed work because well the symptoms (and my loyal gym gossips) point to alcoholism... And let's not forget that he (who has no $ and has a massive emergency room bill) asked for two weeks off in July and one week in August... WTF? 

Sunshine is out!

Me:  I need your keys. Since you don't have hours anymore there is no need for you to have them and I need them because I gave mine to the new weekend girl. I also need back the DVDs that came with the TRX and anything else you may have. Army seemed to think the TRX were yours??  They are not. And lastly, this is hard for me but I need only to be in the gym when you are training your clients. You can't workout there anymore. I'm sorry but its to the point where your behavior is damaging to the gym and we are at risk of losing several members. Thank you for everything that you have done, but please only come to the gym when you are training actual clients.
Serena


 Sunshine:  I have no idea where this is coming from. First I have never told anyone the TRX Straps are mine, so why Army would even say that I have no idea.. I don't have the DVD I watched it and put it back.. I know other people have taken it to watch it.. I also do not understand where it is coming from that I am rude to members.. I get made fun if because I talk to everyone in there...so to have this all if a sudden that I am getting complaints that I am being rude really hurts...I'm sure Army is saying I am because like mist people in the gym I am trying to stay away from him.. I am tired of his lies and they way he tells stories...I have been with you guys for 4yrs and have been nice to everyone.. I have always pushed to try to make this gym a great gym.. So how is it that when I try to better my life by getting a new job all of a sudden you keep getting complaints... I know there are certain people on staff that are taking every chance to make things up to try to push me out... But I hope after 4 yrs you know I am not the one to run people off or do something that is not good for the gym....



Me:  I think it's great that you are doing something that will better yourself. The truth is people have complaining that you are rude since day 1. We went from 100% of people complaining about you down to about 40%. Now we're back up to 100%. I'm well aware that your behavior is much different if Jerry or I are coming to the gym. Just please lay low and stay out of the gym until people calm down. I don't know what exactly is going on with you but something has changed. When there starts to be crap on the message board about popping pills and unicorns, there's a problem. Who else knew about the TRX DVDs?  You still haven't returned the insanity DVDs, so I'm thinking that its possible you may still have a TRX DVD and not know it. At this point we have to rationally decide what is best for the gym and what's best right now is to not lose a dozen members. Thanks for your cooperation.
Serena