Hire Tat's Wife??

So today Tat's wife calls and starts telling me her woes about Tat and Triple D and she has no place to live, blah, blah, blah...  As the conversation wore on, I had to cut her off...

I'm real good at the computer, maybe I could do some secretary stuff (with a fake southern acccent, she's from MD)

I'm real good with kids, I can work in the kids' club (same fake southern accent and should I remind her that DFACS doesn't think she's capable of having custody of her own kids)

I'm a people person, how about I can be the receptionist (same fake southern accent and have I mentioned the weapons charges?)

Ok, so, you'll keep me in mind in case anything comes up (same fake southern accent and have I mentioned we have a restraining order on her and she can't come within 100 ft. of the facility?)

Dentist... STAT!

Has anyone noticed Tat's teeth? 

Serena, those are meth teeth!  He's been back with Triple D and the rumor is she's in business again.

Shower While You Work?

So I get to the gym this morning to find a man patiently standing at the front desk. As I struggle with the load of stuff I am carrying, I wonder where is "Stifler?"
Me: good morning, Sir... what can I help you with today?
Member: I just wanted to pay my dues before I get out of town. I don't want to get Stifler in trouble but some of the members think he may be in the shower. I've been standing here for 20 minutes. I could've just walked off with all that stuff you've got sittin' right there...

What?? Add this to the rule list: Shower before you get to work!! Stifler tells me he didn't think it would be big deal. Yeah... let's just leave the gym open and unattended with $3,000 worth of supplements, bars, drinks, etc. sitting very near the front door.

Accepted methods of payment?

Strong man was kindly asked to leave for a variety of reasons. One day I spotted one of his personal training clients and wanted to double check that she had received all the services that she had paid for, so I approached her, informed her of Strong's change in employment status and asked if the gym owed her any personal training sessions. She turned a bright shade of red and uttered out the words... "I haven't been purchasing sessions lately... Let's just say that I developed a close personal relationship with strong man." My response: "So you were giving S-E-X as payment??!!"

Three Ring Circus

Doo-doo-doody-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, doo -doo-doody-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo DOO-doody-doo-doo...

And this morning on the gym floor, we will be featuring The World's Strongest Man, The Man with the Most Tattoos and a must see Dolly Parton impersonator... Step right up this entertainment is included with your membership!!

And now for the finale - what?? I didn't know there was finale. Who is that?? It seems that Tattoo and Triple D are more than just training partners and that is Tat's wife waving around divorce papers and screaming like a lunatic. Her next stop she announces is Triple D's husband...